5 similarities of listening and hearing
Overview Show Have you ever heard someone say: “You might be hearing me, but you’re not listening to me”? If you’re familiar with that expression, there’s a good chance you know a thing or two about the difference between hearing and listening. While hearing and listening may seem like they serve the same purpose, the difference between the two is fairly significant. We’ll go over some of the key differences, and we’ll share tips on how to improve your active listening skills. The definition of hearing has more to do with the physiological act of hearing sounds than it does with making sense and connecting with the person who’s talking to you. Merriam-Webster defines hearing as the “process, function, or power of perceiving sound; specifically: the special sense by which noises and tones are received as stimuli.” Listening, on the other hand, means “to pay attention to sound; to hear something with thoughtful attention; and to give consideration.” Clinical psychologist Kevin Gilliland, PsyD, says the difference between the two is night and day. “Hearing is like collecting data,” he explains. The act of hearing is rather simple and basic. Listening, on the other hand, is three-dimensional. “People that excel at work, or in marriage or friendships, are ones that have honed their ability to listen,” says Gilliland. When it comes to the definition of listening, we can break it down one step further. In the communication world, there are two terms experts often use: active and passive listening. Active listening can be summed up in one word: curious. The United States Institute of Peace defines active listening as “a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding.” In other words, this is the way you want to listen if you’re seeking to understand another person or you’re looking for a solution. On the opposite end of the listening spectrum is passive listening. A passive listener, according to Gilliland, is a listener who isn’t trying to contribute to the conversation — especially at work or in school. It’s not a great way to communicate with people. That’s why Gilliland says not to use it with your spouse or kids since they’ll notice it pretty quickly. Now that you know the difference between passive and active listening, you might be interested in learning how to improve your active listening skills. Gilliland shares six actionable tips you can use to enhance your active listening skills. 1. Be curiousAn active listener has a genuine interest in and desire to understand what is being said. When you’re practicing active listening, you’re more interested in listening to what the other person is saying, rather than formulating your response. 2. Ask good questionsThis can be a tricky tip, especially if you don’t know what the definition of a good question is. For the purposes of active listening, you want to avoid asking yes/no type questions, which are closed-ended. Instead, focus on questions that invite people to elaborate. Ask for more information and clarification. “When we listen, emotions are involved, and we desperately need as much information as possible if we want to move things forward” explains Gilliland. 3. Don’t jump into a conversation too quicklyCommunication doesn’t have to be at record speed. When you’re talking with someone, consider easing into the conversation. “We tend to end up arguing when we try to rush, and there’s no rushing when we need to listen,” says Gilliland. 4. Anchor yourself to the subject and don’t get distracted“When you’re trying to have the kind of conversation where listening is key, don’t go down rabbit trails,” says Gilliland. In other words, avoid throwing out unrelated topics or insults to distract from the subject at hand, especially if it’s a difficult one. To avoid doing this, Gilliland recommends that you ignore the noise and anchor yourself to the reason you started the conversation until it’s over. 5. Stop making up storiesHave you ever been in a conversation with another person where you feel a lot of information is missing? Unfortunately, when we don’t have all the information, Gilliland says, we tend to fill in the blanks. And when we do that, we always do it in a negative way. That’s why he says to stop doing it and go back to asking good questions. 6. Don’t make a big deal out of being wrongIf you’re good at admitting fault, this should be a fairly easy tip for you. However, if telling someone that you’re wrong is an area you struggle with, active listening may be difficult for you. Rather than being so invested in being right, try admitting when you’re wrong. Gilliland says it’s as easy as “My bad, I was wrong about that. I’m sorry.” Your close friends and family know you best. So, if you’re curious about the type of listener you are, ask someone who is close to you. Gilliland recommends asking them what types of mistakes you make when you listen to them. He also says to ask them questions about the areas you can get better. If this is a person you spend a lot of time with, you can ask them if there are particular subjects or topics you seem to struggle the most with. In other words, ask them if there are certain conversations or topics where you typically fail to practice your active listening skills. Active listening is a lifelong skill that will serve you well in your relationships with friends, family, and co-workers. All it takes is a bit of effort, a lot of patience, and a willingness to be present with another person, and genuinely interested in what they have to say.
UoPeople uses cookies to enhance your experience, to display customized content in accordance with your browser settings, and to help us betterunderstand what your needs are. To learn more about the cookies we use, see our Privacy Policy
When you're in conversation with someone, it's common for your mind to drift to other thoughts. For example, maybe you have a lot on your plate, and you're thinking of what all you need to get done. Maybe you just argued with your partner, and you're still upset about it. Or, maybe you're exhausted, and you start fantasizing about how cozy your bed will be when you turn in for the night. When your mind begins to wander, you're likely still hearing the other person, but you're not truly listening to what they have to say. However, this can negatively impact your conversations and relationships with people, if they feel that you're rarely listening to them. With inputs from a psychologist, this article breaks down the differences between hearing and listening and describes how they impact mental health. It also provides some tips to help you become a better listener and improve your relationships. “Many people use the words “hearing” and “listening” interchangeably; however, there are several important differences between the two,” says Kelly Workman, PsyD, a psychologist at Columbia University Medical Center. According to Workman, hearing is the passive intake of sound while listening is the act of intentionally working to comprehend the sounds (e.g., words or background noises) you hear.
The saying ‘In one ear, out the other’ speaks to the difference between hearing and listening. — Kelly Workman, PsyD
Hearing
Listening
Hearing is a passive, involuntary, and sensory process in which we perceive sounds. It is a physiological response that involves our perception of sound. It does not require focused attention. For example, if you’re watching television, you can still hear the sound of traffic or sirens outside, your neighbor’s dog barking, and people laughing in the hallway. Listening is an active, voluntary, and intentional process that involves making sense of the words and sounds you hear; it requires your attention. In turn, you may develop an emotional response to what you hear. Listening with the intent to understand is referred to as active listening. For example, if you’re listening to someone talk about a difficult day they had at work, you will probably have your full attention focused on them. As they speak, you will start to understand what their experience was like and the impact it had on them. This will help you make thoughtful comments and ask relevant questions to further understand their experience. Both hearing and listening play an important role in our lives. Hearing is a form of sensory input whereas listening is a way to form connections with other people, according to Workman. She explains the role these functions play in our mental health. Hearing is an important sense that helps us navigate the world. The loss of hearing can have a profound effect on mental health as it could lead to anger, social withdrawal, changes in our sense of self-worth, and depression. It is important to keep in mind that using sign language and paying attention to body language are ways you can listen without the sense of hearing. You can seek mental health care if you are experiencing depression or adjustment difficulties due to the loss of hearing. We are social beings and have a universal need for connection and belonging. Listening is what enables us to develop increased curiosity about other people’s experiences, increased compassion and empathy, and increased connection. If you are not listening to others or being listened to, it can negatively affect your sense of connection and belonging. You can probably think of a time when you were not being listened to; the experience may have caused you to feel devalued, uncared for, and lonely, all of which can contribute to feelings of shame, anxiety, and depression.
Listening and engaging with others can strengthen your relationships. Similarly, the lack of listening can create tension and distance in relationships, make it difficult to resolve conflicts, and affect your mental health and well-being. “People often listen with the intent to respond rather than the intent to understand. This means that they are relying more on hearing than listening,” says Workman. Workman lists some reasons why you may be hearing and not listening:
The implication of hearing rather than listening is that it might be hard to feel connected to others. — Kelly Workman, PsyD It’s also possible that you just might not be that interested, in which case Workman says it is important to check in with your values and have awareness of what types of connection and relationships are important to you and what type of communication partner you want to be. It is in fact possible to become a better listener. Workman suggests some tips that can help you improve your listening skills:
While we often equate hearing with listening, the former is typically a passive activity whereas the latter is more active. There are in fact steps you can take to become a better listener. Making the effort to actively listen to the people around you can help you connect with them and improve your relationships with them. |